On every sales team I’ve worked on there has always been at least one guy (sorry, it is usually a male) that has worked his way into a comfort zone of hilarity on the telephone. Walking by his cube while he is on the phone with prospects, you always pause to listen, like catching a Barry Bond’s at bat back in the day. While everyone else seems to fumble and grope their way past daily objections and other borderline (and outright) insults, this person just smilingly deflects and chuckles his way to a positive outcome. Even if there is no deal, the customer leaves the phone call with a couple of funny expressions to tell.
This week’s blog is a compilation of one liners from Adam Wiebe, now of Infowelders, a sales guy who was so good (and shamelessly hilarious) on calls that his cube mate wrote out his best 50 lines and sent them out on the dork net a few years ago. Thanks to Michael Clifford from Salesforce, who introduced me to Adam and sent me this list the first time.
Keep in mind these gems are from actual conversations with a customer...
1) I don’t wanna be a fly on your face
2) I know being on a new vendor call is like a trip to the dentist
3) I don’t want to sell you a little webby thing
4) Let me put my sales hat on
5) I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask
6) Some people might say shame on me for not knowing their business, but I say shame on them for not at least taking a look at what we have to offer.
7) If I take the time to write the email is it really going to go anywhere?
8) I would like the professional courtesy of a callback
9) New concept PRM which is like CRM’s little sister
10) I will put on a pair of Desert Boots and run to Milwaukee for the meeting
11) I will call the dogs off on Lisa…
12) We allow you to take a slight haircut…
13) The heavy 747 is starting to lumber down the runway
14) I’m on bended knee
15) I think we got a little too much of a good thing going on here
16) The word document starts with the letter “D”
17) I know you must get pounded by so many software vendors out there telling you that they can make you thinner and let you spend more time with your family but…
18) I’m dry powder… I’m ready to do something.
19) That’s what gets the wax out of his ears….
20) They do wear a different uniform than you guys but they play the same game.
21) We tackle big problems and take out big thorns from big elephants.
22) I will be a respectful pest over the next few months.
23) You are very daring to mention that you are working on projects… I love projects.
24) I will just be a professional pest and give you a call next week.
25) That is more of our sizzle than the steak in our offering.
26) It’s kind of like when you are fat, you know you are fat but when the they come and circle it with a red pen then nobody is happy. (Offline, not to a customer)
27) Hi I appreciate how fast you work but don’t transfer me I have a question.
28) It’s good stuff man… it’s better than rocket science.
29) You know what we need…
30) Everything can be bought Chinese Menu style.
31) I’m not looking to split the atom here with you.
32) We are based here in Silicon Valley so we don’t have to baby talk high tech manufacturing.
33) I’m calling to follow up on a box we sent out … I’m guessing from the silence that you haven’t received it yet
34) How do we go from being in a good light to being in a bad light without you ever speaking with us?
35) I'd hug you if you were here.
36) Our applications are a little on the expensive side because they do come whole hog.
37) Do you have 3 minutes for an introductory call? Don’t worry I will start the egg timer and not run over.
38) I know a new vendor call is like nails on a chalkboard but…
39) Do I sound like a wing nut?
40) I’m off my sales horse now… is it working for you.
41) We have a pretty good mousetrap but you have to see it to believe it.
42) (In a southern accent) These last few years have been such a spending orgy that people are in a runaway freight train and the bridge is out.
43) You don’t know me from Adam although my name is Adam.
44) Is there anything I need to bring or just have my sharpest pencil?
45) I will cut my own throat is there something we can help you out with?
46) We went around the gym with them about 60 laps, they’re a large organization
47) I need one more magazine subscription to go to Hawaii but they pay me to get requirements.
48) Are they going to do something for 4 grand? I’m an old dope smoker from way back but am I hearing it right?
49) At the very least we can open up the kimono on RSI…
50) I’m not looking for government secrets anything but rather just general information.
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This week’s blog is a compilation of one liners from Adam Wiebe, now of Infowelders, a sales guy who was so good (and shamelessly hilarious) on calls that his cube mate wrote out his best 50 lines and sent them out on the dork net a few years ago. Thanks to Michael Clifford from Salesforce, who introduced me to Adam and sent me this list the first time.
Keep in mind these gems are from actual conversations with a customer...
1) I don’t wanna be a fly on your face
2) I know being on a new vendor call is like a trip to the dentist
3) I don’t want to sell you a little webby thing
4) Let me put my sales hat on
5) I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask
6) Some people might say shame on me for not knowing their business, but I say shame on them for not at least taking a look at what we have to offer.
7) If I take the time to write the email is it really going to go anywhere?
8) I would like the professional courtesy of a callback
9) New concept PRM which is like CRM’s little sister
10) I will put on a pair of Desert Boots and run to Milwaukee for the meeting
11) I will call the dogs off on Lisa…
12) We allow you to take a slight haircut…
13) The heavy 747 is starting to lumber down the runway
14) I’m on bended knee
15) I think we got a little too much of a good thing going on here
16) The word document starts with the letter “D”
17) I know you must get pounded by so many software vendors out there telling you that they can make you thinner and let you spend more time with your family but…
18) I’m dry powder… I’m ready to do something.
19) That’s what gets the wax out of his ears….
20) They do wear a different uniform than you guys but they play the same game.
21) We tackle big problems and take out big thorns from big elephants.
22) I will be a respectful pest over the next few months.
23) You are very daring to mention that you are working on projects… I love projects.
24) I will just be a professional pest and give you a call next week.
25) That is more of our sizzle than the steak in our offering.
26) It’s kind of like when you are fat, you know you are fat but when the they come and circle it with a red pen then nobody is happy. (Offline, not to a customer)
27) Hi I appreciate how fast you work but don’t transfer me I have a question.
28) It’s good stuff man… it’s better than rocket science.
29) You know what we need…
Image via CrunchBase
30) Everything can be bought Chinese Menu style.
31) I’m not looking to split the atom here with you.
32) We are based here in Silicon Valley so we don’t have to baby talk high tech manufacturing.
33) I’m calling to follow up on a box we sent out … I’m guessing from the silence that you haven’t received it yet
34) How do we go from being in a good light to being in a bad light without you ever speaking with us?
35) I'd hug you if you were here.
36) Our applications are a little on the expensive side because they do come whole hog.
37) Do you have 3 minutes for an introductory call? Don’t worry I will start the egg timer and not run over.
38) I know a new vendor call is like nails on a chalkboard but…
39) Do I sound like a wing nut?
40) I’m off my sales horse now… is it working for you.
41) We have a pretty good mousetrap but you have to see it to believe it.
42) (In a southern accent) These last few years have been such a spending orgy that people are in a runaway freight train and the bridge is out.
43) You don’t know me from Adam although my name is Adam.
44) Is there anything I need to bring or just have my sharpest pencil?
45) I will cut my own throat is there something we can help you out with?
46) We went around the gym with them about 60 laps, they’re a large organization
47) I need one more magazine subscription to go to Hawaii but they pay me to get requirements.
48) Are they going to do something for 4 grand? I’m an old dope smoker from way back but am I hearing it right?
49) At the very least we can open up the kimono on RSI…
50) I’m not looking for government secrets anything but rather just general information.
